can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Come see our sink grown plant.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
