thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
