Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So much rum. So many feels.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
