In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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