Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
