No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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