I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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