What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I want to be your penis for a week.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
