you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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