Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
