Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
