Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
