Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
