It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was confusing and full of hummus
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
