I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
