I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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