I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
