Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
