I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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