I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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