I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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