he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
