Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
