Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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