What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
