I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hell yes lets make some ravioli
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize