She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
