I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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