I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
