That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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