they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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