if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
