Life is so much better after having sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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