Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm at about main and main street
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize