I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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