We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Help me help you realize you are a moron
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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