Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
