i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Girls should come with a carfax report
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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