We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
