Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
