hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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