If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
its liver damage thursday
Randomize