I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
