you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
