his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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