if only i could text you this smell
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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