I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
