Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
