That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
