Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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