I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
the liver wants what the liver wants
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize