when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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