Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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