well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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