dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
