I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
