The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Vodka?
Forever.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
