I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
