I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
