plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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