Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
