Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its not stalking. its research.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
