sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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