He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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