isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
