I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
