We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
