I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
