Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just forgot I was standing up.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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