thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
