i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
