Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
