There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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