two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
