I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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