she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sober January is a disaster.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
