did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Randomize
