She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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