Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
