definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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