I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
