He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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