I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
