Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
