dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize