I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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