god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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