I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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