guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
