I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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