This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
