I wish my penis had an off switch
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
